Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Inspire to Aspire

Jacquie has inspired me to aspire for more flexibility and creativity in my quilting.
Donna has inspired me to aspire for better piecing.How do I inspire a certain seventeen year old to aspire for greater things? I know I can't force him. One he is bigger than me. Two it only makes him want to rebel more. I'm not saying he is a bad kid. He is far from that. He is hard working and kind. If someone needs something done in the neighborhood they call this kid. They know he will do a good job. He helps my dad when he asks and is very good to my grandma and the widow in the neighborhood. Maybe my expectations are too high. But he has been hanging with some friends that are not encouraging the best behavior. He has not been being honest with me. And sometimes he is rebellious and defiant. I know these can be normal teenage behavior. Darn, kids don't come with instruction manuals and even if you could find one how would you know you had the right one each kid is so different. Do any of you experienced mother have some words of wisdom you would like to share on how to inspire a child to aspire?

14 comments:

  1. hang in there. Trust that you've done a good job transmitting your values, and time will see them come to the fore...

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  2. As mothers we all go through this, Em! I laughingly say ' he will turn out to be a very good citizen if he lives long enough!' - in your case it doesn't sound that drastic, though. My grandson, Tyler, turns 18 end of the month and his Mum and I often have our little worries about him - let's just hope the little angels hover around their shoulders looking after them!
    Hugs - Lurline♥

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  3. I wish I knew what to tell you - we've been having similar issues here!

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  4. I think the best you can do is set the example, praise his good works, let him know where you stand on things you don't like but don't nag and most importantly of all - pray like crazy for him.

    You just have to trust that you have raised him right, and it sounds to me like you have, and those qualities you have instilled in him since birth will be there throughout his adult life.

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  5. If you figure it out let me know. I have a 13 year old who's smart as can be and he's getting F's in school. I just don't understand it. Good luck! :0)

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  6. Hang in there! And if you figure it out, please let me know....
    Kris

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  7. I agree hang in there. My girls both went through a difficult times. I'm so glad it's over, there were times I wasn't sure I would make it through. Teenagers seem to need to experiment or something, they do eventually find themselves.

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  8. oh em i so empathize with you. my oldest, now almost 20, was so much like this. I don't want to share all our struggles here, but if you feel like dropping an me an email, we could talk. i will tell you my biggest mistake was focusing on the negative. he had many positive qualities and things going on, but i was mired in the bad choices. it's hard to see the forest for the trees. i will tell you now, 3 years later he's doing great.

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  9. Em, I sympathize, I don't have any words of advice, but would certianly like some! My kids are not hanging out with the wrong crowd, but we have the same issues, responsiblity, defiant behavior etc. If you come up with anything let us know!

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  10. Sorry. No words of wisdom here. My children are all grown up. Thank goodness! It wasn't easy at times, but in the end everything worked out. Teenagers have to find themselves. If they don't, there will be problems. This search for self requires a lot of experimentation. It can be frustrating for those around them. Patience on the part of the parents is perhaos the most important. But hang in there. Things will get better!

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  11. Em,
    I am a mother of a 21 year old who is still trying to figure out who he is and what he wants- He has had his lessons to learn and some of them have not been easy but during the difficult times you soldier on and hope for the best.
    My son is a good kid just trying to find out who he is - I am sure that your boy will find his way too- it just takes time and the belief that you have raised him with the things you value.
    Hang in there - it will get better..
    Regards,
    Anna

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  12. Em,

    I can only share what my Father would say to me. "Do you think you're adult enough to manage these relationships?" to which I would answer YES. And he would tell me simply: "There's going to be a price to pay if you can't. The first thing to go is my trust in you. So... we'll see won't we."

    And he followed thru with the consequences. Everything was about disappointment in me and lack of trust in me and "It's obvious you can't manage yourself yet. Bottom line." Then he's just walk off and leave me there in a heap of guilt and tears.

    I wonder who that was harder for, him or me. My Mom always caved in and she taught me NOTHING!

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  13. Hang in there! He sounds like a nice kid and that he has respect for people. That means you've done well thus far.
    Listen to him. Build on some of his positive interests by bringing opportunities as such to him...
    It sounds like he has a good foundation. Trust him to make good choices...
    8-)

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  14. I think you heard the best advice here, it's based on the foundation you've laid and that sounds strong. then praise the good and be sure he knows where you stand, as Karendiane's dad said, it's about consequences and earning and retaining trust. That's what we did with our daughters, and they held on pretty well, the youngest is 19 now. She still has some rebellious moments, but she's held to the straight and narrow. Both have said they didn't want to disappoint their Dad and I. Good luck and keep praying.

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